now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
