this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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