After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
