I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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