I'm so fucking centered right now
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You can't special order awesome
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
