don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
