Whats the glycemic index on semen?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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