I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
