I am midnight drunk by noon
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
