Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
