i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
