When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
