would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
