The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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