Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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