Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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