It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you had me at cake vodka
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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