Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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