You just made me feel so damn special
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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