Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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