Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
