....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
