And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the day after is always just damage control
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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