If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
