my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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