For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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