Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
