This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
