Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My life is pants optional.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
