she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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