I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
