wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
