Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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