I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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