: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize