just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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