i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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