Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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