mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
