You really coming over, don't trick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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