Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
