Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
