How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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