You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
