yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
