i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
