they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize