You can't special order awesome
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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