I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
