We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
