Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
