I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
