Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
