but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
