Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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