did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
