I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize