Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize