it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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