So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize