i jhust puked up my retainher.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
