we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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