there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
