my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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