i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize