??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize