Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
